🔥 The MAGAverse Ponzi: Florida Woman, Trump Coin, and the Web3 Wild West
A Florida woman’s arrest for stealing $850K via a Trump-themed Solana meme coin is like discovering the Declaration of Independence was written on a Burger King receipt.
ICE claims the funds financed a clandestine “MAGA Metaverse”. Where the users roleplay as Jan 6 rioters earning “Patriot Points”, convertible into discount MyPillow coupons.
This isn’t just a scam.
This is spaartaaaa! (sorry, just had to)
This is a Jeff Foxworthy punchline on blockchain: “You might be a degen if your stablecoin portfolio includes ‘FreedomBucks’, and a pixelated Trump riding a tank.
The coin, $TRUMP2X, promised “1776% APY if Biden loses in 2024”, and marketed itself as “the only token approved by God, Trump, and a guy named Dale who sells fireworks in Tampa.”
Is this innovation? Heck nah.
This is America’s financial id dressed as a shitcoin, like a bald eagle snorting Adderall off a Confederate flag.
📊 A Meme Coin, a Rug Pull, and an $850K Exit
Officially, the Florida woman (alias “MAGA_Mami_69”) allegedly created $TRUMP2X, pumped it on Truth Social with AI-generated videos of Trump winking, then rug-pulled $850K into a wallet named “StormyPayment.” Prosecutors called it “a crime against capitalism,” while ICE fast-tracked her deportation for “making the U.S. look like a Jackass sequel.”
Crypto “historian” Chad Broseph (author of NFTs and Freedom: ‘A Libertarian Love Story’) told BuzzNekkid:
“This is performance art. She’s Satoshi but with more glitter and felony charges. The real crime is the SEC not letting us stake Trump NFTs for tax breaks.”
Meanwhile, Solana’s network briefly crashed when users realized “meme coin” wasn’t slang for “legal tender.”
The project’s whitepaper, titled “YOLO to MAGA,” claimed the token’s liquidity pool was “guarded by cybernetic wolves from Elon’s Mars colony.”
It’s like a timeshare presentation, but instead of a condo,
you get a JPEG of Melania crying.
💣 Vitalik Buterin’s Secret Role: The FreedomETH takeover
Behind the scenes, this was a black ops campaign to fund “MAGAverse”. A metaverse where users duel Alex Jones in VR courtrooms to win “Sovereign Citizen” status.
Leaked Discord logs show plans to airdrop $TRUMP2X holders virtual access to “Mar-a-Lago Simulator 2025,” where you can golf with NFTs of Rudy Giuliani’s hair dye runoff.
The semi-plausible conspiracy?
The deportation is a cover-up.
Sources say the DOJ found $TRUMP2X transaction logs tied to a Super PAC buying 420 acres of virtual land in Decentraland to build “Trump Tower 4D”.
Trump Tower 4D is a skyscraper that only exists if QAnon memes hit 1M retweets. One leaked email reads: “We’ll pump the coin, dump it, and blame Hunter Biden’s laptop. This is financial warfare, people!”
Even wilder: The woman’s lawyer claims she’s a CIA asset testing “meme-driven regime change.”
Her defense?
“The Constitution says nothing about shitposting.”
But here’s the twist: $TRUMP2X was a psyop by sentient Florida Man DNA. Classified FBI files (leaked via a MySpace revival forum) reveal the coin’s smart contract contained code to brainwash holders into donating plasma to fund a real-life “Trumpzilla” kaiju attack on Disney World.
Even crazier?
The SEC’s case is secretly backed by Vitalik Buterin, who wants to replace the U.S. dollar with “FreedomETH,” a stablecoin collateralized by expired MAGA hats and the tears of MSNBC hosts.
Rumor has it the judge presiding over the case is a deepfake of Nicolas Cage’s National Treasure character, and the jury will deliberate via TikTok polls.
🎤Final Investor Reward: A Statue of Liberty NFT flipping the bird
This isn’t just a scam. This is a Ponzi hydra.
The $850K funded a DAO that launches rug pulls inside other rug pulls, each siphoning funds into a meta-metaverse called “ScamLand”.
In ScamLand every resident is a AI-generated Trump clones, selling NFTs of their courtroom sketches.
The Totally Real Fact™?
69% of the stolen SOL was converted into a virtual Trump University campus where students pay in Dogecoin to learn “Advanced Grifting 101.”
The twist? The “MAGAverse” is a front for Ron DeSantis’ 2024 campaign.
Users who complete “Operation Freedom Quest” (i.e., shill $TRUMP2X) earn GovernorNFTs redeemable for a photo op with a animatronic DeSantis at Disney’s abandoned “Liberty Land.”
Next up: A Trump-DeSantis “Rug Pull Debate” livestreamed on OnlyFans, moderated by SBF in a orange jumpsuit.
In 2025, this saga will be a Hulu docudrama titled MAGA Mami: Scamming the American Dream.
The Florida woman will launch a “PardonMeCoin” ICO from her deportation flight, while the MAGAverse pivots to hosting Kanye West’s 2030 presidential bid via Fortnite concerts.
Every $TRUMP2X holder will receive a NFT of the Statue of Liberty flipping the bird with the caption: “In Crypto We Trust… Sorta.”
As for Web3?
It’ll keep merging patriotism and grift until the only thing left is a AI-generated Lincoln shilling Solana on Coinbase.
Brutal truth? If you bought $TRUMP2X, you didn’t get scammed. You invested in the world’s worst theme park.
And in America, that’s what we call “freedom.”
